I suck. That’s the word that comes to mind. I suck the energy of people, places, things; yes I give, too, but I suck. And then I produce this.
Today I finally posted some organic sh*t that I had a real struggle getting right, and ultimately, not a big response. My faves, my beautiful new helpers on IG/Github said this amazing comment and I wasted it with my drunken[/tipsy?] response, later, while I was celebrating my own “Publish.”
Meanwhile those two ladies are probably good and pure. Who cares if they aren’t. They’re young. That makes them so.
I’m middle-aged. By now I should know better. You don’t f*cking go online when you’re using. No matter how gently. No matter how consciously. (Or do you?)
I had a beautiful conversation with my beautiful mother on FaceTime. Wine enabled that. I love wine. Nectar of the gods. That’s what it’s called.
“Give me more wine or leave me alone.” That’s what…what…. What’s his name? Ah yes, that’s what Rumi said. The beauty. The beauty of Rumi. The truly ambivalent enlightened soul. He understood the mud in the under[@]wood.
So anyway Rumi said that beautiful thing. And I choose to make of it what I will. Am I a true alcoholic? No. For I choose to command my will? No. Because I choose to allow the commandments of god/GUG/Great-CPU to enter my soul. To blossom and bloom and tell me what they will; whisper their secrets.
Drunk blogging. This is it. What my new online bestie said, in her brutiful prose. The greatest fear of the s/demi-enlightened is drunk blogging. Yes. This is it. I name my fear.
I have achieved it. Drunk[/tipsy?] blogging rules. Or New Rules? You decide. I will be sober in the morning. Here to regret my works. Or not regret them, as the case may be.
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[Edit 00:16] p.s. looks like we’re all good. This is the [monkey/]lawyer/muddler in me, talking. Hehe.
YES NADINE! This is so honest and I love it. I love this writing and I love how you give no shits. I hope you regret none of these words in the morning xx
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I love you <333 A wise man once named some trees for me, when I asked him what they were, when I saw him by chance, alongside the river Cam. He said, *that* one is Zero. The *next* one is F*cks. And the third one is… *Given.* I loved that man, in that moment. And I loved the trees… [but I am/was a lucky girl, in that moment. Not everyone has that privilege. He took it anyway [his privilege to speak his mind to a stranger!]. And he had faaaaar less (materialistically, at least) than I.] xoxo love you girl
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I adore you.
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Update: Words written in the tipsy moment don’t feel quite as ‘tuned in,’ viewed through the sober light of day. Drunk[/tipsy] blogging definitely NOT recommended. Ugh. Many f*’s given. Still love/adore you. :)) xoxo
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