The way I write

On By NadineIn creative nonfiction, Other, process

I write like a downhill skier.
I write like a surfer who falls a lot and gets caught in the undertow.
I write like a lost girl in the woods who goes from tree to tree to find the clues, who follows the winks of light in the darkness, who sometimes follows the darkness to find a light.
But most of all, I write.

I write and then what I want to say becomes more clear, through every mistake, every unclearness. I will see the word unclearness and think it might not be right, and then I’ll write about that to myself. Later I’ll get sick of talking about that and I’ll write about something else.

I do not like to prescribe to people what to do, for each most follow their own way. Yet I want to make it clear for you too. Sometimes it helps to follow someone in front of you. Sometimes you’ll get lost that way too.

If I had one wish for you, and you, and you, and

I would say, be prepared to leave the sentences unfinished. And then let yourself also finish them right after that. I
don’t mean
literally, but literally is ok too. Do what is right for you.

Be wrong a lot, while trying to be right. Love your mistakes, they will teach you far more quickly than your successes. These words are not mine, don’t revere me for them. They are mine as well, yet countless have said them before, each in their own way, with their own voice. If you read enough, listen enough, you will understand this intrinsically. Read enough. Listen enough. And the understanding will grow and grow
to the point where you will feel the need to say
something too, though nothing is new.

The way you say them is new.
The people you say them to are new. At first, say them to nobody
or just you.
People like what is new, and they like it from you,
maybe because they grow to like you. Be likeable too.
But throw away the desire to be liked, once it has jailed you.
Call yourself the jailed bird you are, Nadine JL, and the calling of it will unlock the prison gate.

Then throw away these keys, too.
Give your keys to the universe, free of charge, and the universe will be yours. Then allow the universe to give itself to you. Do not starve.

Be unoriginal. Originality comes through the ordinary. You will
Rise early, see the sun come up, drink in the scene with all your senses. Let yourself put it all on the page without wondering if it is ok.

Many of us have had people criticizing and correcting us all of our lives. Some of us have had a lot of praise which can be crippling as well. All of those people gave us those gifts from a place of love and/or fear. Love for us, love for themselves, fear for us, fear for themselves. Love them for that. You can’t love yourself if you have no compassion for the imperfect behaviour of others.

How am I writing this, here now?
I am listening to a little voice inside me. The little voice is connected to a million voices, a limitless voice, a web of voices,

I am choosing to leave commas where there maybe should be periods, I am choosing to not go up the page and check if what I have done is good, then as I say that I go up and check. I break every rule I set for myself, all the while realizing that the setting of it is okay too. Have compassion for you.

I am making choices that feel right for me. But most of all,
most of all,
I am just letting myself be.

And my greatest wish is to set you free. Along with me.

Love,
Me.

 

Nadine JL
2019-03-07 05:52-07:08

Nadine inhales & exhales words & images from current vantage point in Zone of Emptiness, France. If you wish to contribute and/or show appreciation, please do, in some way that feels right for you. Thank you for reading. ❤︎

24 thoughts on “The way I write”

  1. The contradictions and absurdities make the writing life simultaneously both endlessly frustrating and infinitely interesting. It’s SOOOOO good to read someone else caught up in the mire, and yet still rising above!

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    1. You say it so eloquently, Aeryk! Thank you so much these kind words, and for reaching out! Your relaxed inquiry and sharing of your own journey were part of the reason this particular slew of words decided to come into being. I realized I had been so unclear on my About page! Still gotta fix that thing one day. This piece started as a kind of replacement possibility or addendum. We’ll see how it goes. In the meantime, looking forward to your upcoming writing!

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      1. Funny how things work out, eh? This is another example of synchronicity. I’ve been experiencing that quite often of late.

        Confession: When I read this I wonder if our correspondence had any influence on it, but I didn’t want to get a big head. I mean, like you wrote “Some of us have had a lot of praise which can be crippling as well.” Praise and delusions of grandeur!

        As for updating the about page—FAITH AND BEGORRAH!—is there EVER an end to the editing? Not if those pesky little perfectionist gnomes in the shadows have anything to say about it, amirite? This month before I re-launch is already maddening. Sigh.

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        1. You are SOOOOORITE!!!! About everything. Especially about the synchronicity and the editing and the perfectionist gnomes. But let’s not worry, it’ll all be fine. Or maybe not. Heheheh. But in the end it always will. Amirite? ((((((i hope sooooo ;)))))

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        1. Just read your about page and loved it by the way! Thanks a lot for visiting here. Cooking dinner now but hope to visit your blog again later. 🙂 Soooooooo true that nothing is ever finished. Including housework. 😉

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  8. I absolutely LOVE how you write – it’s beautiful and utterly unique. There’s a sense of bravery, I feel, in daring to leave sentences unfinished. Just hanging there unapologetically, until there is either a continuation or just left there to breathe. A space that may have an answer but doesn’t demand one. I love it. xx

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    1. Anna, you are such a sunbeam over here in my little dark woods. Thank you my friend. Your words are a balm for my post-posting aches and pains. Also what you’ve accomplished through your own writing is amazing. I feel honoured. hugs 💛 xoxo n

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