No matter how much you’ve read about blogging, you will not truly progress until you firsthand try these:
- spewing garbage. (this one is the most important for exponential progress. and by publishing your spew, you’ll see what appeals most to way more folks than just you.)
- overlong comments on other people’s posts (get off your soapbox. or stay on it, and start lathering)
- overlong replies to OP’s comments on your blog. (see #2).
- drunk blogging. (a must-do, but only if you’re already an occasional late-night binge drinker. this is the surest path to total sobriety. )
- post-publish editing. critical for both CYOA and remaining stuck in a beautiful, perfect rut, forever. this is ok, because the rut is getting more and more beautiful, and one day the world will find your immaculate rut and dive into it, and never leave. (just one caveat: by then, you will be long gone, your vast and legless trunks of stone lying sand-swept in the desert)
- overlong blog posts. (you’re a frustrated novelist. stop blogging and publish the damn novel already.)
- listicles. but only if they’ve long gone out of style.
- lack of proper capitalization and/or punctuation. in-situ self-conscious meta-process insertions. descriptivism post-post-modernism etc (,,,but wouldn’t that look better with a period/ellipsis?)
- topic switching. voice switching. genre switching. blog switching. MPD. PhD. MFA. (but definitely not the latter, if you want to be a popular blogger. please leave all literary aspirations firmly behind, stranded on the lonely peaks, where they belong. the view is much better from down here anyway — and there are way more people to share it with)
- like-bombing and fake-following. but only if you want to max out at around 20K followers.
- never shutting up. what you have to say is so important! just keep adding on. (who cares about titles and their relevancy? certainly not the handful of selfless frustrated literary types who follow your blog.)
If you’re reading this, you know you want it. So, what are you waiting for? Go forth and multiply. And be sure to make a spectacular ass of yourself while you’re doing it. The sooner you get started, the better.
photo by Brett Sayles on Pexels (compressed and marked up by self-proclaimed blogging expert)
p.s. see also: How to write good.
Thank you for reading. ❤︎ Nadine is a non-professional spewer of words, writing from several mid-range destinations. When not unprofessionally spewing words, she enjoys taking medium-length walks in nature, spattering toothpaste on mirrors, and/or reading about space, from children’s books published in 1988.