Having a hard time of things creatively… I have these periods where I look back on whatever I’ve done and think WTF? What was I thinking; where was I going? Truth is I never knew, myself… it was a kind of reaction to the world; I let it come through. Or sometimes I didn’t, at least, not quite. The times I didn’t were worse… I would re-read later and think to myself, “you held back, you sold out, you cleaned it up too much.” Whereas those times I really let go, I might sometimes have felt shame or fear later, for having published it, for having exposed myself, if I read it through this or that person’s eyes or what have you; but much later, I would look back and think, well, there was truth at least.
There was the truth, whether it was likeable or not; whether it had meaning to someone else or not. It had meaning for me, and that was enough. I had known myself in that moment, even if the knowing later faded. I had known myself by forgetting myself.
Now the light is green upon the summering leaves, there are white cloth lanterns strung above the railing outside this window. All the wind conspires to draw me away from words, to the place I truly belong.
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Nadine inhales & exhales words & images from current vantage point in Zone of Emptiness, France. Thank you for reading. ❤︎