Bloomwards

Having a hard time of things creatively… I have these periods where I look back on whatever I’ve done and think WTF? What was I thinking; where was I going? Truth is I never knew, myself… it was a kind of reaction to the world; I let it come through. Or sometimes I didn’t, at least, not quite. The times I didn’t were worse…  I would re-read later and think to myself, “you held back, you sold out, you cleaned it up too much.” Whereas those times I really let go, I might sometimes have felt shame or fear later, for having published it, for having exposed myself, if I read it through this or that person’s eyes or what have you; but much later, I would look back and think, well, there was truth at least.

There was the truth, whether it was likeable or not; whether it had meaning to someone else or not. It had meaning for me, and that was enough. I had known myself in that moment, even if the knowing later faded. I had known myself by forgetting myself.

Now the light is green upon the summering leaves, there are white cloth lanterns strung above the railing outside this window. All the wind conspires to draw me away from words, to the place I truly belong.

 

* * *

Nadine inhales & exhales words & images from current vantage point in Zone of Emptiness, France. Thank you for reading. ❤︎

 

 

25 thoughts on “Bloomwards

  1. Oh dear Nadine, stop being harsh on yourself. Your posts are authentic and down to earth, expressing an elegant level of creativity. This makes reading them engaging and reparable. Keep it up please 👏 👏 👊 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think you must be getting at something universal here, Nadine. That is, universal to anyone who is messing around with the pursuit of the truths about themselves and perhaps other things.

    That coupling of concern that you might be holding back combined with fear that you might have revealed too much — that’s what seems universal.

    A close friend of mine, Shreya Vikram, is — like you — experimenting with radical honesty. A few months ago, she coined an expression, “Shy writers die”. If you’re genuinely curious about her approach, which also seems to be your approach, I can link you to her blog. I don’t think it will disappoint you, but it must be your call. I have no problem with your declining a link.

    Besides the brilliant last paragraph, my favorite part of your post are these words, “I had known myself by forgetting myself…”. What an extraordinary insight! Thank you for that!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Paul! “Shy writers die,” wow that’s memorable. I’ll check out Shreya’s blog in WP Reader. I remember seeing her name (memorable also) turn up in my likes notifications. Not holding back vs fear of revealing too much — yes it’s really a fine balance. One which for me needs to be re-navigated daily. Mainly for me I don’t want to harm anyone, particularly my family and others I care about (i.e. the world).

      Liked by 1 person

    1. True, and when we see others “bare their souls” then we can sometimes better “see” our own souls as well. And recognition and self-awareness lead to evolution (and often joy)

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Ah, the artists eternal struggle: between taking it in, and, putting it out.
    Both are needed,
    both take time and energy,
    like breathing in and breathing out.
    I for one, love reading the words you ‘put out’, they tell me what your are ‘taking in’,
    so real,
    so beautiful.
    Keep it up. Love, Dr. Bob

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Earlier today I wrote this blog entry. To my eye. my blog entry touches the same field as you do Nadine / Göran

    Hurdles along my writing path.
    28 May, 2019 ~ Leave a comment ~ Edit

    A few meters ahead, I see a significant set of hurdles along my writing path.

    At this moment, I am engaged in a new short story of about four pages. I am determined to continue this story. It is easy for me to deliver written words. Me continuing the story is another cup of tea.

    I seem to provide myself at least a million paths of distraction. Thinking out this status report and delivering it to you is just one of them. Longing for an old-time red mechanical typewriter is another. I mean one of those rare units having no connection to the Internet nor to electricity.

    The fact that I deliver words easily, is another and major distractive element. Often, I slide off into other writing challenges. I even read and listen to any of these numerous suggestions of ”how-to-do-it”. I have to sharpen up! I must do it now and down to my very roots! Dear Alter Ego: “Avoid trying to be funny and continue writing this. Avoid using your creativity in distracting yourself.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha yes Göran, very coincidental, as usual we spin around the same meta-topics for sure! :))) I love your idea of trying out the hipster typewriter, sans connectivity… my only worry being that I’ll spend all my time Instagramming said hipster typewriter in various photo layouts rather than producing actual typewritten pages… 😆

      Like

  5. In my niece’s latest podcast she tells a story of how she befriended a woman at a singing circle almost 20 years ago. She made a cassette tape of a number of song they sang over the week. She, my niece, had forgotten all about this. When they met up a couple weeks back the woman had reminded my niece about this tape, telling her how much she’d cherished it.

    The moral of the story, to quote my niece, “always let your light shine.” You never know what will connect with someone. How significant something so seemingly dismissible will be. Yeah, we’d like to have our stuff be perfectly polished and acceptable by everyone, but sometimes we can touch someone in exactly the right way to make all the difference in the world.

    (but a once over for typos is generally a gooder ideer.) 😉

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Totally agree. Sometimes I edit a piece so much that when I’m finished it’s nowhere close to what I originally wanted to write! Tough balance to strike between making it presentable and keeping the soul of the piece intact.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Beautifully written💕
      I love “All the wind conspires to draw me away from words, to the place I truly belong.”
      And isn’t it funny that in that place the words come more naturally and maybe we just let them go.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Melissa, thank you so much… “And isn’t it funny that in that place the words come more naturally and maybe we just let them go” — you’ve absolutely nailed it, imho. 👌🙏❤️

        Liked by 1 person

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