18:30. A bit lost and uncertain in the forest of the so-called novel. Is it really a novel? Should it exist? Which version of itself? It’s like a spirit waiting to be born. And a mother deciding whether it should be, at this moment.
I didn’t do well on my word count; dedicated time to family affairs this morning instead of writing, which created a few good things: T finished the new kitchen counters; they are of oak, of course; measured and cut and sanded and coated with epoxy, hardened to a glossy shine, the wood grain preserved perhaps forever. Surprising and stunningly beautiful, and at little cost.
Meanwhile I finally painted the side walls pale blue (the back wall had been done already), listening to Lorde; she’s like Lana Del Rey, whose music I also love; but Lorde’s the arch, instead of the angel; or perhaps the arrow instead of the bow.
The kitchen (which is also the living and dining room) is small, for the six of us, but somehow we all fit in it, today quite peacefully, with our various levels of speed. I was a bit slow, a bit entranced by the lyrics, by the blue paint, by the solidity of the wood grain as I later stood on it, to cut my brush along the edges between the ceiling beams.
Later I tried to get my writing rhythm back, but had lost my way, and wondered if a novel would be worthwhile anyway. I missed plain-old blogging, and mourned the fact that I had so many drafts unpublished — even my rant from the other day, I regretted not having sent into the world. It’d made sense then, but not now; it’d been time-sensitive. And yet words were now unsaid to the blogiverse, though they’d burned in me; some part of my psyche not exposed, which made any imagined conversation incomplete; the listener of course does not miss it, perhaps; but the speaker feels self-silenced and thus suppressed.
Finally it was just the writings of fellow bloggers that brought a feeling of worth, to read their words and find the sameness in the difference of our melodies.
* * *
NaNoWriMo, day 3; word count: perhaps about 1400 (bringing total about 7800 I think), but that’s only if I count this post, plus stream-of-thought poetry, and random musings in my journal. Another 50 or so in an Instagram post with writing tips, but I don’t count those; nor emails, nor comments to fellow bloggers, both of which flow the most easily and are the most enjoyable to write.
p.s. The very talented Kim McCrea, who will not be participating in NaNo this year but has written a book, sent me a concise and helpful email the other day, of how to make a basic plot outline. I thought it was perfect. I made a first attempt immediately after receiving it, but found myself revising it in my mind, as my perspectives continually shift.
Kim, I hope you won’t mind my sharing your tips, in case others can benefit:
Kim’s Novel tip:
Orient. Try writing a short summary of the novel.
Situation: the big problem
Protagonist: the heroine, usually
Objective: [e.g. in Gone With the Wind:] save Tara, if you’re Scarlet O’Hara
Opponent: [same story:] the Yankees
Crescendo, climax, problem resolved, or not, but catharsis
Read Kim’s recent NaNo post here: http://kimmccrea.com/2019/11/01/nano/ (or WP Reader link: https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/59614066/posts/2470319968)
And now it’s off to home movie night with the fam.
How are your projects going, friends? Would love to hear your own process notes or musings… :))
Nadine inhales & exhales words & images from current vantage point in Zone of Emptiness, France. Thank you for reading. ❤︎