Engines revving
My ears are full
I think of everything that is only here
Now
In the moment
And not of what is lost.
For nothing is lost.
A sudden feeling like a vacuum against my insides
Gravitational pull
Clean but old smell
Blue wing, out the window
Blue leather seats
Worn and comfortable but
Cold
Against my blue jeans
Canada
West coast
Wetlands beside tarmac
Old grass, bright gold and green
Marshy puddles in between
South Terminal
We leave you.
Now a pulling in my ears
And we are borne in air.
Grey-blue sea
But coming in against the delta flatlands
In patchwork patterns of brown and green
O Canada
My homeland
Long time no see.
Now a waft of cloud
Now the sun’s gleam
The city
Laid out like a graph, just a thin and barnacly skin
Defining outlines of the grey-blue
Unaware of these
Abalone shimmerings
Wefting the deeper seas
Of Pacific.
But where are you
Where are you…
At first I see only heaps of cotton
Grey and white
Cumulonimbus shining dark-bright
And then.. and then… there you are! Rockies!
You gods of the low North
Such majestic height
Deepest blue but peaks of white
You are the wonders of the Americas
You and you alone
With your smashed tectonic beauty hiding
Treasured lakes of aquamarine, Jasper
Those jewels of glacial melt from
Ancient upworld.
No picture
Does you
Justice.
Now the islands
Bowen, Keats, Gambier
Covered in lush dark evergreen
Now nothing but white mountains of cloud
And we go bumping
Bumping in!
What a wild ride
My tummy leaps with butterflies
I feel such joy
Oh my boys
If we crash and I am gone
Know I loved you and
till the very last
I loved life’s song.
***
Tapped into phone’s notes app during window-gazing, on last leg of multi-plane journey to see my family… thought I would share. We can still appreciate life, even during grief… anytime, anywhere. But it helps when you’re up in the air…
And creativity
is great healing therapy.
I know my mom
would’ve agreed.
May she rest in peace.
***
Thank you for reading ❤︎
I love that phrase: “Ancient upworld”
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So impressed at your having written this at all given the week you’ve had, but to write such a cracker of a piece as this… So many little hidden gems here that I had to read three times before ei felt I had got the good of it. Lovely.
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And it’s a wow from me. 🙂
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I’m so sorry for your loss, Nadine. Like Matthew, I’m admiring your skill in the midst of grief. I wish it were possible to channel your loving voice, to offer you the support you’ve given me. Pleased to hear you’re lovingly supported in person. Just know we’re thinking of you. No need to answer. X
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Each of the comments here meant so very much to me… and I couldn’t find a way to respond adequately at the time… (though I knew you wouldn’t mind – yet another comfort). Basically I’ve been carrying them in my pocket. Each one was a gift which made having shared some words, out of all this, feel worthwhile. Thank you DB. It’s encouraging. Which is truly helpful, since creativity and inspiration has been, and still is, my only medication/therapy. I’ve come to rely on it to stay afloat in any situation. Mostly thanks to my mom’s influence, in retrospect 💛
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p.s. So what I meant to say was, thanks so much for your kind words ❤︎ 🙏😊
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Awwh Nadine, home sweet home… When was a last name you were there? Is it anything close to BC? I sort-of always had an obsession with it and it’s still on my to-travel list 😃😄😉 any cool flashback memories? Sending you lots of love and hugs my dear. And it’s a beautiful piece
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