The will and the forgetting

She tries to keep things divided and straight in her thoughts, but it seems she never can. Mud or lotus, black or white… they keep changing into each other. Society tells her it must be clear. There must be no compassion for wrong-doers (or perhaps a little, but only in theory); there must be no searching for wrong in her own soul to understand unspeakable harm that has been done to her. This means she must be crazy, in the eyes of society.

She thinks again of seeking professional help, but forbidding costs aside, worries that she’ll be made to feel even less free or safe than she feels now.

A grief yawns open inside her, when she allows herself to finally be truly alone, away from all human contact, digital or otherwise, for a short space of time. Layers of grief from various different events in her life, that have been pushed to the back of her mind.

The primary solace is go outside, under the broad and ever-changing example of Grand Sky; listen to the Tree, with its endless messages of unconditional love and understanding. Feel the Land continue to breathe beneath her footfall, forgiving her every step upon it.

Gratitude enters as a gradual light; or as a gift from these old friends. Its colour is pale, golden blue.

.

***
Nadine inhales & exhales words & images from current vantage point in Auvergne, France. Thank you for reading. โค๏ธŽ

 

37 thoughts on “The will and the forgetting

    1. I love this comment. You know? Sometimes I think being alone more is the key. Or rather, allowing ourselves to be alone, with creative energy… which is often easily found in nature. There were a couple of years when I was writing a lot, privately… and spending more time outside… it was very healing. I can imagine that with your plein air painting you’d reach a regular state of total zen.

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      1. Yeah, it helped me so much to go out to draw and paint. I wouldn’t have chosen the reclusive lifestyle for myself but I got used to it and it gives you time to work it all out in your head. Now I don’t want anyone in my apt. It’s ironic. Nature can make you better or kill you. I worry about rabid animals, snakes, bugs, etc. Those are my zen type worries. hahahah

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        1. Hahaha “my zen type worries” – I love this. Don’t we all have some of those. Nature has a way of loving us back ( if we choose to personify it here), that isn’t always pleasant. And yes, deadly at times. We shouldn’t romanticize it too much. And about the reclusive lifestyle, I hear you on that too. It does give time to work it out, and thus peaceful “head energy” – and sometimes it’s hard to have that feeling “broken” by people not in the same mindset. But human connection is also important. I love your art (particularly that last painting!!!) and I feel so grateful to be able to connect with you, from time to time, via our blogs.

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    1. Watt! Thanks so much for your visit. Have missed you around here. :)) These days most folks are nearly constantly connected… to the point of overdose, at times… but maybe it’s the space we manage to create in a segment of time, that allows beauty to soar.

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              1. Someone asked me years ago, โ€œwhat do you want to accomplish?โ€ I answered โ€œpublish my bookโ€ and here I am. Practicing writing. ๐Ÿ˜Š
                The will to live is also good. ๐Ÿ™ƒ

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                  1. Haha! No. Not doing too badly at all. I love the practice of editing words too. Like arranging flowers in a vase. Thatโ€™s why I write. I love to share and connect with anyone open to these words. And when I donโ€™t want to writeโ€”I crochet…or a gazillion other things that interest me.
                    No. Not doing too badly at all.๐Ÿ’“

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                    1. Nice that you crochet! ๐Ÿงถ My mom loved to crochet, made so many beautiful things. I did notice you’re a very creative and multi-talented person. ๐Ÿค—โœจ๐Ÿ

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                    2. Don’t most people’s sound full? ;)) Thanks for asking – very kind. :)) At various different times, I’ve been passionate about drawing and painting, sewing and fashion design, web and graphic design, interior design, dance, diet/exercise/holistic health, and making music (piano, guitar, singing). But for the past few years I’ve mostly focussed on reading and writing, as hobbies; perhaps my longest loves.

                      I do a bit of knitting for relaxation on the side… I’m making a rainbow-coloured shawl right now. Progress is slow, due to my sometimes-sporadic efforts, lol. But the design is extremely simple: knit every stitch, increase every other row by one, each time along the same edge. It creates a simple bias/scalene triangle that drapes well. The yarn itself – a fine cotton called “funny rainbow” – will be the star of the show in this piece.

                      As you can see, I’m obsessed. ;)) How about you, Nina? What’s your current crochet project?

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                    3. Yes they do indeed! We have many similar interests. Good to know you make time to relax by knitting. Your shawl sounds so pretty and colorful. I like the name. โ€œfunny rainbowโ€ I like simple designs that show the yarn.

                      Me, lately Iโ€™ve been obsessed with crocheting slippers and socks. Cozy for winter. Hubby wanted a pair of socks for Christmas. Heโ€™s wearing them right now.๐Ÿ˜Š
                      Planning something in linen for summertimeโ€”drapey flowy swingy. Therapy.

                      Funny little side note about therapyโ€”besides the cost. So we were both trying to find a therapist to work out some of our long standing issues. After researching and contacting peopleโ€”no one is accepting new clients! Iโ€™m on a waiting list with one person. Haha! So hubby and I looked at each other, giggled and said โ€œwell guess we just figure this out ourselves!โ€ Therapy business is apparently good!

                      Nice to chat with you, Nadine. Have a lovely creative day!๐Ÿ’“

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                    4. Sometimes I think that only the best people knit or crochet socks and slippers. ;)) I have an offline friend who does that too, she’s a wonderful person. ๐Ÿค—

                      WOW about the therapy being all full up! Guess it wan’t meant to be then. Nice that you can still giggle together. That’s always a good sign, I’d guess. :))

                      Likewise lovely to chat with you Nina, and see you around blogtown. Much love, xoxoxo โค๏ธ๐ŸŒป

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