Inksea

SkullHeart-ArtBlueButterfliesWordAddiction2-via Etsy.com-Uk(via-Bloomwords.com)

I flew against your quickened seas

Beat early wings to the sound of your waves

You the liquid dream

That poured a vision into my tentative heart.

I dreamed of friendship from the start.

But I over-drank, stayed out past midnight,

Tipped your being into my soul

Though losing myself within you

Had not been my original goal.

A flight away, a flight awash,

I drowned in friend-ungained

And all I’ve got, for my besot,

Is a taste for further pain.

Can you wash away the pain

the pain,

the pain.

Can you wash away the pain,

If I drink you, again.

.

They say that love’s

A game

But I didn’t know

That we were playing

I thought it was pods in the sea

A family of cosmic-merfolk we’d be.

.

But something changed in me

When you first lapped your stars

against my Tree.

Can I ever set you free?

Can you never remember me.

Oh, me

No me.

‘Cause change is still a dream…

and I’m awash in ink seas

from when you tattooed “mine” on me

then stripped me with

your flame

when I was unknown-playing with fire

in some sunless

deep-space

game.

.

(Billie Eilish – when the party’s over)

“I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that” – Billie Eilish

***

2020-03-03 18:45 – 2020-08-08 12:03 – this poem/song (mine, not Billie Eilish’s) is about wine-turned-word obsession and subsequent blog harassment – a seeming endless cycle of self-inflicted abuse (one can choose not to read/drink abusive input/ink). But things are never as they seem… and, Solvitur ambulando, as a friend once said.

***

Image: via Prints Variete via Esty.com (not affiliated)

Nadine inhales & exhales words & images from current vantage point in Zone of Emptiness, France. Thank you for reading. ❤︎

43 thoughts on “Inksea

  1. Nadine, this is truly superb.

    “and I’m awash in ink seas
    from when you tattooed “mine” on me
    then stripped me with
    your flame”

    It’s so easy to get swept up in seas such as this. I read this 3x already.

    Love and hugs xoxox

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My dear friend… coming from you that means more that I can say, because I tend to get swept away in your seas too. Big time. 🌊💛It’s a tricky thing, on WP, or anywhere, for that matter, isn’t it? What’s written to or for one, or for oneself even, when published, is read by many sometimes, and can of course inadvertently cause suffering. It’s food for thought – though creative expression, and freedom of expression, is important too. It’s an ethical debate I’ve struggled with for a long time before ever blogging and still struggle with. I think it might be the epitome of the creative journey. Much love and hugs, and thanks so much for your visit. 🐻🌈💖xoxoxoxo

      Liked by 3 people

      1. You are such a deep and thoughtful person Nadine. Your mind and soul are wondrous places. Yes, it is easy to get swept up by others in their ink seas, to drink them in (these are such brilliant metaphors). These lines also stuck with me:
        “Can you wash away the pain,
        If I drink you, again.”

        We try to sometimes don’t we, for better or for worse. You are right that what we write could inadvertently cause suffering, even if we don’t intend it. But, I think if our hearts and intentions are genuinely in the right place…. that is all we can do?? Love and hugs to you too dear friend, so many 🐻🌈♥️💫 xoxox

        Liked by 3 people

        1. You are utter kindness, Rachel… I feel beyond lucky to be able to count you as a friend. I started writing you a novel in reply to this comment when I first saw it this morning, but couldn’t finish it before having to run out the door, and now that I re-read it, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t make any logical sense to burden the flow with it here. Just know that I appreciate you (and your friendly, nurturing inkseas 🌀💗) so much, and send lots of gratitude your way. 🙏🌷🔆

          Like

        1. Awwww…. I love that you get a little tipsy here. Let’s definitely all get a bit word-drunk together. Together is way more fun than getting word-drunk alone. ;)) 🤗😍💖🎶🥳🎉👯‍♀️👯‍♂️🌝🕺💃🏼

          Liked by 2 people

  2. Nadine! This is…just fascinating. An exhibition of all the art that comes to your mind, inky as you say it is, and it mingles with the blood and sweat in your life. Just pouring and tipping in your fingers, raging and rushing with every key you knock on your keyboard, drenching the blankness of the screen with a piece of beauty and grace.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Wow! Thanks Watt, I could say the exact same about your comment. ❤︎

      “drenching the blankness of the screen with a piece of beauty and grace.” You have such a way with words. I feel honoured, but I think you deserve this much more than I do. Thanks for showing up here, you are so kind with your support. 😊🙏

      Liked by 1 person

  3. This was beautiful and heartbreaking all at once, Nadine ❤ Such a relatable dilemma – are we to carry the guilt of having found recovery, however big or small, while others are going through their own dark valley?
    The eternal conundrum. If you have poured yourself out completely and your heart was in the right place, is it right to release such emotive subjects onto the page if it risks causing distress to others? Brilliantly expressed 🦋

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Tom ❤︎… good questions… made me think. To put my two cents in, I would guess no to the first, and yes to the second… Guilt isn’t very useful, except to inspire change in our own actions – i.e. perhaps it shouldn’t be carried, but transformed, in part by exposing our own truths. And if we didn’t express emotive subjects, even if our hearts/intentions are in the right place, I suppose not much art would get made, so not as many emotions would be transformed… and if we’re not making art, perhaps we’re more likely to be making war. What do you think?
      Thanks so much for your kind and thoughtful words! 🌷😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Totally agree with you, especially what we’ve discussed last week! ❤ The creative journey is such a rocky one, but far more enriched if we aren't afraid to explore both the highest peaks of joy and the lowest depths of pain and grief.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Omg. Charlie… your comment left me speechless when I first saw it. I feel like you really get what was happening for me when I was pouring this one out. It’s a lot of mixed feelings I’m trying to be honest about and come to terms with. Thank you for your humbling and very generous words, and for your beautifully described understanding of artistic processes that most of us share in, as writers here on WP. You’ve been such a lovely blogfriend, and I feel so grateful to have discovered you and your wildly unique and inspiring poetry, via Rachel. ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I understand fully. Always be honest, don’t ever hold anything back. That is what artist, & writers like us need to bring into the table. Be yourself and that’s all you can really do.

        You are so very welcome Nadine. 🙂

        I’m also grateful and happy to be reading your work and for you being such a wonderful and amazing human. 🙂 Bless you so much. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Charlie! Another lovely comment from you! Thank you dear poet-friend. Talk about amazing human beings and gratitude for reading work – I loved your poem today. So wildly original as always, and linguistically thrilling. Kudos and bless you back! 😊

          Liked by 1 person

            1. I love it. “Embrace me and surround me as the rush comes” – in childbirth, we called contractions rushes. It’s way more positive, and descriptive of the flow of creative energy. The same can work in a supportive, community art-creation setting. Perfect song. 💛

              Liked by 1 person

  4. My gosh, Nadine, this carries so much truth and is so well penned.

    “A flight away, a flight awash,
    I drowned in friend-ungained
    And all I’ve got, for my besot,
    Is a taste for further pain.”

    I can feel that overwhelming grief of loss. I also love the Billie Eilish song accompanying this piece.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Katy, welcome to my blog, thank you so much for visiting; I just checked out yours and quite frankly am blown away. What a voice and what beauty, inside and out!
      Thanks so much for your comments. That Billie Eilish song is amazing. It influenced the rhythm of parts of this poem, which I edited after finding the song.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Nadine, you are so very kind. I am very humbled by your compliments and honored for your reading! I am so inspired by your poetry and think it is absolutely fantastic that you wrote the piece to match Billie’s song!! Wow! I am going to try this with a song for sure! 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

        1. Thank you, lovely Katy! Well I didn’t write it to the song but later I edited it to match the rhythm more. Ever since doing that it seems the melody has been walking with me wherever I go. I found this video accidentally while searching for an image to go with the poem, I think I searched “drinking ink” or something like that. Anyway yes writing new lyrics to existing melodies is great practice I think. You’re incredibly talented (not to mention ridiculously beautiful) my dear, I’m 100% sure you’ll go far. Thanks again for your super kind words. Sending love. 😊

          Liked by 1 person

        1. Matthew, that is so super helpful, thank you!! I honestly don’t know where to begin when it comes to this kind of thing. And then I have this blogging addiction that kind of helps me do a lot of enjoyable procrastination. :)) But that one, I feel I am getting close to possibly changing. We’ll see how it goes. :))
          The link is very much appreciated, I am already checking this one out!! Profound title suggestions eagerly awaited. 😉xoxox

          Liked by 2 people

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